Sadly I am no longer always a few steps away in a bedroom a flight of stairs from yours. I am not living in the house you raised me in for the past 19 years because I am at college 100 miles away from you trying to follow my own dreams.
During the day I am in class, studying for quizzes and exams, doing homework, hanging out with friends and some days I am working. When I get free time, which is a rare sight, I like to squeeze in a nap or a quick phone call to home. I don’t always sound busy when we find the time to catch up, but I promise you I am as busy as any college student could be.
I think of you often and all the little things you used to do for me back at home. Like my laundry the night before a game when I was too clueless to put my jersey in the hamper days prior or breakfast sitting ready on the counter everyday before school, even though I was the pickiest eater amongst us all and only ever wanted a bagel. Now I have to do my own laundry when I find time and paying for it on my own really sucks. The first week of classes, I would get up just early enough to make myself a bowl of cereal. Lately, I have become an exhausted teen who craves sleep and gets up with just enough time to scurry off to class after getting ready for the day. And by ready I mean brushing my teeth and throwing on the comfiest ensemble I see first. Sleep has become more crucial than eating the most important meal of the day. I also make my bed most mornings or later in the day when I am not in a hurry. Even though I never let you make it at home, I still think of you when I do it here. I have no one to clean my room while I am in class, so that responsibility has become my own entirely. I’m sorry I took the little things for granted.
I miss you more than words can describe. I miss your shoulder to cry on when I was upset or too stressed to think. I miss your home-cooked meals when I didn’t miss them because of practice. I miss our long talks when I needed someone to vent to and cherish our phone calls now. There are plenty of things I find myself missing about you, but am doing everything I possibly can here at Adrian to make you and dad proud of me. I wouldn’t the person I am today without you both and I thank you for that. I am starting a new chapter of my life without you, Mom, but will always look to you for guidance and acceptance like when I was little and learning right from wrong. You may not always physically be there during this journey, but I know you will still be there in other ways. You are my late night phone call when I can’t sleep because of either a bad day or insomnia. You are the reassurance when I can’t seem to do anything right. You are the voice of reason when I am stressed and need to vent about anything and everything. You are the stitches that hold me together and the rock that keeps me grounded.
Let's be honest, high school was one of the worst four years of my life and I would have never been able to survive without you by my side. You made me into a strong young woman who holds her head high and doesn’t give others a reaction when they negatively seek one. You taught me that people will come and go, but there’s no use crying over spilt milk. Whenever I have had to overcome something or someone in my life, I have thought of you and will continue to do so in college. I love having a role model who is also the strongest woman I know.
I am not completely independent like I like to think I am, but know I can survive without you always next to me if I need to. Just because I now know I can survive without you, doesn’t mean I want to. I will still need you, if not more in the upcoming years than I ever have before. Nothing would be the same if you weren’t in my life and I would be completely different if I ever lost you. Thank you Mommy for being a hard-working, strong, and caring role model. I hope to be half the woman you are when it is my turn. Thank you for being my rock, and one of the best friends.
I love you and I’ll see you soon, okay?