Duh-nuh-nuh. Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh. Duh-nuh-Nuh-Nuh-nuh.
If only there was a way to express musical notes with typography! Alas, "The Office" theme song has been relegated to a mumbo-jumbo of Duh-Nuh's and overly-used hyphens. However, I'm sure you got the message: Make you think of Michael, Dwight, Jim, Pam, and the rest of the gang as you hum the above mumbo-jumbo in your head.
What I actually want you to picture next time you hear "The Office" theme are the stunning beauties from Admissions.
As big homie Ickey Woods from the Geico Super Bowl commercial euphorically screams, "Whoooo!!! at the thought of cold cuts, I get excited about creating an Adrian College Admissions "The Office" parody. For the longest time, I've been thinking about how ridiculous, hilarious and perfectly dysfunctional the Dream Team house is. Quick disclaimer: we do work, and we do a fine job. In the words of Captain JVG, we "get deposits." We file papers with swift ferocity. We change lives. We are "It." Alex Sadie gives stellar tours.
At the same time, millions of Americans would pay obscene amounts of money to watch us on television, and it isn't because of our unparalleled work ethic. It's because the relationships we've built and the comfort level that exists between peers and co-workers is familial. It's because we're [expletive] hilarious. I can guarantee that our humor would transition seamlessly from reality to reality TV because we are always in our element; never phased, always spitting out one-liners and life advice. We not only love what we do, but we love who we do it with. It truly is a beautiful place to work.
The amount of times I'm hastily scribbling hours into my time sheet while thinking, "Holy Bulldogs, I'd do anything to have recorded the last hour of my life" can only be summed by Mathematics doctorates; I say this because an average day with not-so-average Joe and Co. (cough* Barz! cough*) is an episode waiting to be filmed and transferred to the Silver Screen. Every day is an adventure, and each time you clock in, you never know where you're headed. There is nothing boring or dry about our job. OK, maybe that's a half-truth. I'll rephrase. There are too many comedic subplots and too much outstanding verbal banter at the Ward Admissions House to not have a good time doing occasionally mundane work.
Let's rewind to the beginning. What if Steve Carell--shout out to the much more famous (for now!) Middlesex graduate between the two of us--was Joe Van Geison or Erin DeSmet (obvious discrepancies accounted for)? What if instead of the awesome love story of Jim and Pam, there was the sibling rivalry-esque feud between Cindy and Jarrett?! Josh Pascoe, the resident Brit saying what he says...on camera?! C'mon son, I'm in tears and I haven't even mapped out the pilot.
I'm just getting started. By the end of this article, I may--once again, if I haven't already--have put my job, uh, life on the line. This is 'bout to be like a celebrity roast, and I'm hyped to serve the dish flaming hot.
This latest brain child of mine has already made me do the mid-air, jump-for-joy heel kick; dummy a pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, and finish all my homework. Jokes on the homework status, but y'all ready knew that. Sh**, I already named the freakin' show! Coming soon from a Youtube link near you: 135 Madison. That's 1-3-5 like Brooklyn 9-9, not like the Ninety-Nine Restaurant.
What I have done is compiled a list of Themes and Internal Conflicts that resurface throughout the show, as well as typecast each of my fellow student workers to play a specific supporting role to bring my genius dream to life. I won't spill all the beans, just the pinto boys. Be prepared to watch and listen to Alli's commentary on her failed attempts to catch the infamous cookie monster in action (even though we all know it's Jarrett...shhhh), Emily talk about the importance of her 'cup of portable beach sand' that acts as an hourly stress reliever, Chris Cook look way too good-looking and suave as he mesmerizes potential new Bulldog families, and for Erin to keep young Joseph on the right managerial track, seeing as eating healthily and being a vegetarian can't do that alone.
I'm honestly just getting started, but for the sake of the word count, I'll wrap up shortly. All I'm saying is that there's no shortage of material to make this parody of "The Office" a reality. Disregarding School policies, privacy, payment plans, and a plethora of bureaucratic impediments, I'd have set up shop and started filming "boutta week ago, week ago." Forget Carell and his crew; hello, Rachel Pomeroy and Nick Karapas. Between shouting matches alluding to true love or mutual hatred (no one can quite pin it down...then again, love ain't a science is it?) and silent death stares, "Neek" and "Rachet"--pronounced "Rah-Shay" with a French accent aigu--are a powerful on-screen duo.
For now, this may still be a dream. 135 Madison may not blossom into the Golden Globe winner I see it as, but it's the thought that counts, eh?
Duh-nuh-nuh. Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh. Duh-n-Nuh-nuh-Nuh. Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nunnunnunnu nuh.
Happy Monday, knuckleheads.
A. T. Sadie